forever/never

Seriously? Why do I still think of you? Why does one facebook request from you suddenly stir up old thoughts that I repressed to the back of my mind? You ditched me, you dropped me, you kicked me around, and then you moved away. Seriously? I’m so pissed off at you, I could probably beat the shit out of you, and you’re a boy. I can’t believe what you did. “Oh, Bri, you’re my best friend, we’ll be together forever, I love you, you’re different, I’ll come visit you every month..” Yeah, okay, whatever. I called your house almost every night, and you never answered my messages. I fucking mailed you The Box. I put all of your favorite things into it and everybody’s letters from school, and I spent fucking seventy dollars to send you this damn box, which was actually mailed to the wrong address, because you gave me the WRONG ADDRESS, and you promised you wouldn’t stop talking to me. You promised. But then Becky came and OH! BECKY! I LOVE BECKY! Fuck Briana, why even bother anymore? Becky gives me sex and intimacy and she doesn’t live two fucking hours away, so forget you. Is that what you thought? Is it? I can’t believe you let a girl get in the way of our friendship. You forgot everything we had. I even spent gas money and everything and made Broc drive me up to YOU, because GOD FORBID you come to Effingham. No, I had to go to you. So I did, and after following you around the whole goddamned town, I finally see you for the first time in a year, and what do you say? “Oh, hey, it’s about time.” Alright. Did Becky let you stay with her when you were homeless? Did Becky hug you when you were crying about your parents, and moving away, was she there for you? Did Becky worry pretty much every night if you had a place to sleep at night? Did Becky call DCFS? Oh, wait, no she didn’t.
And you’re not even dating her anymore. Now, you’re dating someone else. 
Was it really worth it?

And you’re the reason I don’t get close to anyone anymore.